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HOPEIUM

No peace for proverbial “Peace Mom” activist Cindy Sheehan. She has taken umbrage against White House spokesman Robert Gibbs after he faulted the “professional left” and their criticisms of President Obama. The newly feisty press wrangler suggested that liberal White House critics were disturbed and could use a drug test.

“I am not a hypocrite, and any criticisms I have made of Obama are the exact same things I said when George W. Bush was president, because the same foreign policies have continued, if not worsened during the tenure of the Obama administration,” Ms. Sheehan says.

“I will put my urine up against Gibbs‘ any day, and in fact, will travel to Washington to give him a fresh and warm sample. I actually think supporters of Obama should be tested for ‘Hopium’ in their urine, myself,” she continues. “Since Gibbs is a liar and a jerk, I will challenge him to a pee-off.”

Uh-oh.

“I have remained consistent and ideologically pure in my activism and am highly offended that Gibbs would want to use such divisive language. Is he trying to distract us from his boss’s dismal performance on just about every issue he has faced, not to mention the environmental catastrophe in the Gulf?” Ms. Sheehan demands. “I have no drugs in my system and nothing to be ashamed of. It’s Gibbs and the Obama regime that should be ashamed.”

JUST THE NUMBERS

“An estimated 340,000 of the 4.3 million babies born in the U.S. in 2008 were the offspring of unauthorized immigrants,” say demographer Jeffrey S. Passel and Paul Taylor, director of the Pew Hispanic Center, who analyzed Census Bureau statistics.

“Unauthorized immigrants comprise slightly more than 4 percent of the adult population of the U.S., but because they are relatively young and have high birthrates, their children make up a much larger share of both the newborn population (8 percent) and the child population (7 percent of those younger than age 18) in this country.”

The researchers continue, “Nearly four-in-five (79 percent) of the 5.1 million children younger than age 18 of unauthorized immigrants were born in this country and therefore are U.S. citizens. In total, 4 million U.S.-born children of unauthorized immigrant parents resided in this country in 2009, alongside 1.1 million foreign-born children of unauthorized immigrant parents.”

THE NAKED TRUTH

“It is a little early to declare. Usually most wait until the year the seat is up,” says Verne Rupright - a Vietnam veteran, lawyer and the current mayor of Wasilla, Alaska - in the wake of Levi Johnston’s announcement that he will run for mayor of that pristine town, population 7,028. The office was once held by Mr. Johnston’s almost-mother-in-law, Sarah Palin.

Hopefully, the former Playgirl pinup and father of Bristol Palin’s toddler son knows he can’t even file his papers and nominating petition until July 18, 2011, and he’ll have to live in Wasilla - not Hollywood - until then. But gee, that should be just enough time to star in a reality TV show about the process, among other things.

“Since I am nearly old enough to be Levi’s grandfather, I think it would be wise for him to get a high school diploma and keep his clothes on,” Mr. Rupright counsels. “The voters like that.”

THANKS, GUYS

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