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The U.S. Capitol is kept largely out of reach from American taxpayers.

Washington bureaucrats gone wild rival spring break revelers

It's that time of year when college kids in flip-flops hit the sandy beaches of cheesy Mexican resorts and party till the break of dawn, shimmying and jiggling and drinking florescent tequila shots from unknown belly buttons. Here in your nation's capital, it is really no different.

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker laughs as he is introduced prior to his speech at Chatham House in central London, Wednesday, Feb. 11, 2015. Walker is leading a coalition of Wisconsin government and business officials on a trade mission in the UK that runs until Friday, Feb. 13, 2015. The trip gives him a chance to bolster his overseas and foreign policy credentials as he considers running for US President in 2016. (AP Photo/Lefteris Pitarakis)

Evolution and allegiance to the Church of Global Warming

It is such a high, blessed relief to finally get to the bottom of the most pressing issue here in this age of $17 trillion U.S. debt, barbaric animals burning humans alive in cages, the systematic rounding up, rape and mutilation of young girls around the world and all these inconvenient blizzards and bone-chilling winds blowing giant holes in our faith in the newly founded Church of Global Warming.

Cuomo

Mario Cuomo was not a total liar, and that's saying something

In all the stirring eulogies and remembrances leading up to the funeral of former New York Governor Mario Cuomo last week, his greatest contribution to American politics went entirely unheralded. All the fawning tributes and tearful, pearl-clutching accolades have failed to include the one single thing about Mario Cuomo that will forever set him far apart from all the rest of the politicians of his ilk.

President Barack Obama speaks to military members and families at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst, in Wrightstown, N.J., in this Dec. 15, 2014, file photo. (AP Photo/Mel Evans, File)

Welcome to lawless Obama's America, hombres!

Just when President Obama thought it was safe to show his face in an American courtroom again, in walks John Wayne in a black robe to deliver one of the greatest legal beatdowns ever suffered by a sitting president.