- The Washington Times - Friday, December 26, 2003

Last year, your responses made the inaugural Nobles and Knaves Contest a great success. It’s your chance to do so again. To vote, e-mail [email protected], with “Nobles Contest” in the subject line, or fax 202-715-0037. Entrees must be received by Dec 31. The winners will be announced on Saturday, Jan. 4. All entries are subject to review by the benevolent dictatorship of the Editorial Board.

For Noble of the Year, select three:

Albert Einstein, whose prediction of the speed at which gravity propagates was verified this year.

The 1.2 million members of the National Guard and Reserves, for their role in the war against terrorism.

“Everyone Loves Raymond” actress Patricia Heaton, for her public support of the pro-life community.

The Beltwayers who stay in town despite the fear of heightened homeland security levels.

Draper Prize winners Willem Kolff, the father of artificial organs, and Bradford Parkinson and Ivan Getting, the creators of the Global Positioning System.

“Mr. Sociology,” Robert K. Merton, who died at age 92.

Maryland Gov. Robert Ehrlich, for not backing down on environmental department nominee Lynn Buhl.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair, true friend and stalwart ally of the United States.

The Tory party, for standing by Mr. Blair and his course in Iraq when it could have destroyed both.

Architect of the American experiment, the late Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

The daring rescuers of Pfc. Jessica Lynch.

Army Cpl. Edward Chin, who draped an American flag over the head of a statue of Saddam.

Francis Collins, for completing the incredible feat of compiling the human genome.

Retired Nazi hunter Simon Wiesenthal, for a lifetime dedicated to keeping a sacred trust.

Kris Leija, for saving four children from an apartment fire in Abilene, Texas.

Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, author of “A Patriot’s Handbook: Songs, Poems, Stories and Speeches Celebrating the Land We Love.”

Sir Edmund Hillary, astonishing alpinist.

Bob Hope, for decades of unstinting service to the members of the armed services.

Greg Khan and the rest of the passengers and crew who made a Flight 93-style save of Qantas Flight 1737.

Kristin, Mary and Karen, an intrepid triplicate of eighth-graders who taught FBI agents how to pass themselves off as teen-agers in order to prosecute purveyors of child pornography.

Amtrak officer Rodney Chambers, for keeping a great grip on a grenade during an attempted “stick-up or I’ll blow you up” at Union Station.

Dr. Belding Scribner, a modest medicine man who saved millions with his kidney dialysis shunt.

Tony Blair, the freedom-loving homing pigeon, for his trans-Atlantic flight.

Shaka and Thandi, the principled, passionate pachyderms who put a pause in President Bush’s safari.

Ari Fleischer, for cool service as White House spokesman during extraordinary times.

Tyler Hamilton, a broken, bloodied and bowed bicyclist, who raced almost the entire Tour de France with a fractured collarbone.

Aristotelis Belavilas, the impatient patient who won damages from the doctor who forced him to wait, and wait and wait.

Quentin, the Houdini-style hound who escaped from the gas chamber of an animal shelter.

Warm-hearted Frankie Mayo, for her cool soldier’s charity, Operation Air Conditioner.

The late Roxie Laybourne, a friend of Aves and aviators alike.

Miguel Estrada, for his dignified withdrawal from a princely opportunity.

Edward Teller, who left a legacy of the vast positive energies that can be liberated when physics is coupled to patriotism.

Army Spec. Hilario Bermanis, who sacrificed almost all he had for a country that he was not even a citizen of.

Pittsburgh shoeshiner Albert Lexie, who lives on a shoestring but has donated nearly $90,000 to sick children.

The late Elia Kazan, an unblinking director with unequaled vision.

Drs. Peter Agre and Roderick MacKinnon, for Nobel Prize-winning research on protein pores.

Democratic presidential candidate Dick Gephardt, for backing his convictions on Iraq with candor and courage.

The late Mayor Walter E. Washington, for a career of capital service.

Voyager 1, for a magnificent mission to the margins of the solar system.

Actor Art Carney, for his hysterical portrayal of humble Ed Norton.

Steve Rucker, for volunteering to test a vaccine for the virulent Ebola virus.

The late Warren Spahn, for success in sports and combat.

Bear the dog, for finding his way home after half a lifetime.

Nobles: Army Spec. James Ross, for saving his friends from a suicide bomber.

For Knave of the Year, select three:

Michael Moore, for his despicable depiction of the heroes of Flight 93.

Brian Patrick Regan, for his systemic betrayal of national trust in attempting to sell classified secrets to China, Libya and Iraq.

Actor Ed Harris, for profanely questioning President Bush’s manhood.

Helen Thomas, for calling Mr. Bush “the worst president in American history.”

The Saudis, for giving safe passage and airline tickets to the wife of a suspected collaborator of the September 11 terrorists.

Germany’s sentencing system, for giving a mere 15 years in prison to September 11 accessory Mounir el Motassadeq.

Joseph Best, for retaliating to his daughter’s hit by a snowball with slugs from a 9-mm.

The keepers of the National Zoo, for turning a renowned animal display into an animal farm of incompetence.

Hans Blix, for seeing many conspiracies in America but little evil in Iraq.

Mouthpiece of the monster, Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz.

The unbearably biased British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC).

Fidel Castro, for arresting reporters and refuseniks in a wave of repression.

Martha Burk, for doing her best to make the Masters a miserable experience.

Tim Robbins and the rest of the celebrity entertainers opposed to the war, who subsequently complained at length to the public about being censored.

Havana’s double agents, for betraying Cuba’s republican refuseniks.

Nashville police, for collaring and cuffing Jarrod Martin after he had saved his pitbull, Bishop, from a fire.

Former Iowa State basketball coach Larry Eustachy, who coached hard but partied even harder with campus coeds.

Tyrone Williams, who left 18 dead illegal aliens in a semitrailer he drove across the U.S.-Mexico border.

The people who poke fun of the Homeland Security Department’s color-coded alert system.

The firefighters who attempted to extinguish the chaplain corps from the California Department of Forestry and Fire Prevention.

The London Guardian, for a pernicious distortion of Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz.

Sen. Carl Levin, Michigan Democrat, for suddenly seeing shadings in assessments of Iraq’s weapons programs.

Pittsburgh Pirate Randall Simon, for smacking a mascot during a routine running of the sausages at a Milwaukee baseball game.

Dr. Robert Ricketson, for surgical technique more suited to a carpentry shop than an operating table.

Rep. Charles Rangel, Democrat from New York, for asserting that Saddam’s sons Uday and Qusai Hussein had been “assassinated.”

The members of the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) Locals 586/668 of Beaver County, for demanding compensation for a dirty cleanup that they did not do.

The casualty notification con artists of Ft. Carson, Colorado.

Oral Suer, for pilfering funds from the United Way of the National Capital Area.

Al Franken, for a misleading letter aimed at making a fool of Attorney General John Ashcroft.

John Zuccarini, perverted purveyor of ad sticks and porn clicks.

War profiteer Russell Ebersole, who sold phony bomb-sniffing dogs to the government.

Washington Sen. Patty Murray, for sullying September 11 with a fundraiser.

Teresa and Robert Milbrandt, for cancerous exploitation of their allegedly leukemia-stricken child.

The leaker (or leakers) who revealed the name and CIA employment of the wife of Ambassador Joseph Wilson IV.

The Senate Republicans who put pettiness over strategic thinking on the Iraqi supplemental.

Former New Orleans State Judge Hunter King, for perjury with extreme prejudice.

The arsonists of Southern California.

The persecutors of octogenarian Lester Campbell, for showing judgment instead of mercy.

The CEOs of CNN, for dumbing down the Democratic debate.

Santa Barbara County District Attorney Tom Sneddon for a shockingly unserious press conference announcing the prosecution of Michael Jackson.

Dear Abby, for advising a terrified pregnant teen-ager to go to Planned Parenthood for help.

Clayton Waagner, for attacking innocents with an arsenal of allegedly anthrax-laden letters.

Music teacher Mark Denison, thief of the Christmas spirit.


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