You don’t exactly have to be Grizzly Adams to know that if you go out to shoot an Alaskan bear, there is one rule that rises above all others. Whatever you do, just don’t wound the bear.
Kill it, miss it, don’t shoot, run and hide, whatever. But if you hit it, you better kill it. Because the last thing you want coming after you is an angry wounded Alaskan bear with nothing to lose.
This is particularly true of the famed mother grizzly bears of which Sarah Palin has warned us Lower 48’ers about.
“In Alaska, I always think of the mama grizzly bears that rise up on their hind legs when somebody is coming to attack their cubs, to do something adverse toward their cubs,” she told us a while back. “You thought pit bulls were tough, well you don’t want to mess with the mama grizzlies.”
Unfortunately for liberals everywhere and professional Republicans here in Washington, Mrs. Palin’s wildlife lesson came too late. Or, so ascendant into their rarified air from the brutalities of nature or the concept of actual consequences in life, they simply failed to heed her wise counsel.
So, for years now, these liberals and professional Republicans have been out hunting this powerful, ferocious Mama Grizzly. Being mostly sissies from the city or generally opposed to gun ownership, none of them have been properly armed.
The Palin-hating left go after her with their peashooters, homemade slingshots and bullhorns that only annoy the Mama Grizzly.
Even funnier to watch are the professional Republicans who have had such heartburn ever since the Mama Grizzly was invited into their country club, causing scenes and tipping over cocktail carts with her wide swagger.
These fellows profess to cherish their Second Amendment rights but the best they can muster is a .22 target rifle like the ones skiers use in that ridiculous Winter Olympics competition. Even with aim worthy of an Eagle Scout badge, these small loads just bounce off bear hide.
Most hilarious of all is watching the goth Washington press corps stumble about. They whip out their throwing stars and nunchucks from youth, march as a pack into the woods and quickly discover they never did really learn how to use their weapons with any effectiveness. Especially not against the Mama Grizzly. The best was watching them last week poring over emails while live-blogging their embarrassing failure for the entire world in real time.
Which brings us to “Undefeated,” the new movie about Mrs. Palin’s life before she was thrust into the unforgiving glare of the national stage. John McCain’s disastrous campaign introduced her as a “hockey mom” but this movie reminds us that Mrs. Palin had a very impressive political career before we knew her.
She was a successful mayor of a booming town and took on Big Oil and the entrenched Republican Party in her state to become the wildly popular governor of the nation’s largest state.
“Undefeated” is powerful and persuasive for anyone open-minded enough to watch it. The film contains so much of the left’s caustic and vulgar hatred of Mrs. Palin that the uncut version is rated “XXX.”
Who knows whether the movie is as successful as it deserves to be. But if people do watch it, they will have a hard time walking out without a renewed respect and admiration for Mrs. Palin and the horrifying treatment she has endured.
And if Mrs. Palin emerges unscathed from all the the hate, prejudice and distortion that she has suffered though, there will be no stopping her. She will be the Mama Grizzly, rousted from her slumber with nothing but fury for those who have threatened her cubs.
• Charles Hurt’s column appears Wednesdays. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.