Investigators in New York and politicians here in America’s capital were shocked to learn last week that 50 Russian diplomats had defrauded the U.S. out of some $1.5 million as part of a Medicaid scam.
“Diplomacy should be about extending hands, not picking pockets in the host country,” said the clearly disappointed U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara, whose office made the accusations. “The charges expose shameful and systemic corruption among Russian diplomats in New York.”
But you know what is even more shameful? An even greater example of systematic corruption?
That our government leaders are somehow surprised by this. I mean, what do they expect?
The Soviet Union collapsed years ago because, to quote Margaret Thatcher, they eventually ran out of other people’s money. So, where do Russians have to go for their social programs now? They come here.
New York City may be reviled by terrorists as the pinnacle of capitalism, but the truth is the city — like the rest of the country — has increasingly become a cradle of socialism. And Russians know good socialism when they see it.
So they get posted here and get right down to the business of procreating. Because here in America, if you get yourself pregnant, it isn’t your responsibility. It’s the taxpayers’ and they will pick up the tab.
All you have to do is work up some documents that say you make some paltry amount of money and saunter on down to your local department of free stuff and apply for other people to pay for your pregnancy, birth and infant care.
The part that really threw our leaders for a loop was that the Russian diplomats — obviously our good friends since they wanted to live here in America — had conspired with their bosses in the Russian government to lie about the diplomats’ income so they could be eligible for welfare.
How on earth is this surprising? I mean, they are Russians. They are, at heart, socialists. In order to be a socialist, first and foremost you must be able to lie. Not only must you be able to lie, but you must believe the lies you tell. Otherwise, socialism collapses.
Which gets us to the final point, which only a heartless capitalist would think to ask. And that is, why is it that we are now sharing our American socialism with the Russians?
Don’t our leaders realize the more people we let in to spend other people’s money, the faster we run out of other people’s money? At which point we will be forced to return to capitalism. Or, maybe that just and honest system we see flourishing over there in Russia these days with all the monstrously wealthy Russian oligarchs who live in castles in the south of France.
If only the people could get their hands on all that oligarchy money, they could have all the babies they wanted to. For free!
• Charles Hurt can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, and on Twitter at @charleshurt.