BISMARCK, N.D. (AP) - Patti Herr’s path to motherhood has seen its fair share of bumps, twists and turns, including the death of her first husband, a miscarriage and, most recently, the postponement of her scheduled in vitro fertilization due to the coronavirus pandemic.
The Wishek resident, mom to 4-year-old Easton, recently received good news, however, alongside her husband, Barrett Herr. The couple’s frozen embryo transfer, which is a type of IVF, has been rescheduled after being delayed more than a month due to COVID-19.
“I’m excited, I’m hopeful,” Patti told The Bismarck Tribune. “I just feel like these plans kind of fell into place, because I started my cycle and then we got the call. I’m just very happy.”
Barrett, who farms near Wishek, mirrored his wife’s excitement.
“I was a little disappointed when we got delayed the first time, but it was for good reason,” he said. “So back to the excited point.”
Tragedy, then hope
The couple met in 2015, a year after Patti’s first husband, Jared Burian, died from injuries suffered in an all-terrain vehicle crash. The Burians, who were living in Beach and had been married for almost two years, were being treated for infertility at the time.
“I was on my second round of Clomid when Jared died,” Patti said. “I was devastated and torn … wanting to be pregnant to have a piece of him with me but scared of raising a child alone. I was sad when I wasn’t pregnant.”
Patti, who works for North Dakota State University Extension-McIntosh County as an office support staff member, moved to Ashley shortly after her first husband died.
A requirement of her job, at the time, was to meet with area farmers, including Barrett’s dad, Glenn Herr. The couple was introduced during one of those visits, but they did not begin dating until mutual friend Tara Brandner suggested it.
“And it wasn’t too long after that that we got pregnant,” said Patti, noting they had known each other only for about three months when the pregnancy test came back positive. “We did things a little backwards. We had a kid first and then we got married.”
Easton was born March 14, 2016. At 4 days old, the newborn entered the neonatal intensive care unit, where he spent four days being treated for jaundice and ankyloglossia, or tongue-tie.
Breastfeeding was a challenge, Patti said, and little sleep was to be had that first year. Easton suffered numerous ear infections as a baby and at 5 months old began using a nebulizer machine, which administers medicine into the lungs.
Yet another tragedy
When the couple discovered they were pregnant, unexpectedly, around the time of Easton’s first birthday, Patti felt overwhelmed.
“Barrett was really excited; I was like, ‘How can we handle another child when we can barely handle the one we have?’” she said. “And as soon as we pretty much accepted it, then I found out I was miscarrying.”
That happened April 1, 2017, seven weeks into her pregnancy.
“Now I know one in four (pregnancies end in miscarriage), but at the time you feel a little worthless … not being able to carry a baby, not being able to give that baby life and be able to give your husband another child, and your child a sibling,” Patti said.
“We had some family and friends who were pregnant at the same time, so our second child would’ve been the same age as theirs,” Barrett added. “So you see them running around with their kids and it’s like, ‘We could’ve had another one the same age running around.’ That’s the more familiar side of it for me, I guess.”
Seeking medical help
The couple, who are celebrating their second wedding anniversary next month, have not been pregnant since April 2017, despite undergoing several fertility treatments, including medicated timed intercourse and intrauterine insemination. The Herrs have been diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility by their team of doctors at the Sanford Reproductive Medicine Clinic in Fargo.
“At Fargo, it’s like you kind of see everyone — they’re one big family,” said Patti, noting the two doctors they’ve primarily worked with are Steffen Christensen and Christina Broadwell. “We feel very comfortable there. They all consult with each other, they all put their ideas out there of what we can do to get pregnant.”
The couple drives 178 miles one way from Wishek to Fargo for treatments that their insurance does not cover. IVF will cost the family approximately $25,000 if you include travel expenses and optional genetic testing, Patti said.
Everlasting Hope, a nonprofit dedicated to creating public awareness that infertility is a treatable medical condition and to providing financial assistance to qualifying uninsured patients living in North Dakota, is working to ease the Herrs’ financial burden related to fertility treatments. Brandner, the couple’s matchmaker, is the founder and president of the Ashley-based organization.
IVF or adoption?
The couple’s initial plan to expand their family was to forgo IVF and move forward with adoption. After weighing the pros and cons and having “a lot” of deep conversations, the Herrs had a change of heart.
“We had already been through all of these … treatments, and we got to a point of, like, we were mentally exhausted on trying, trying, trying,” Barrett said. “We know adoption is a guarantee, so we were leaning towards that. Then we got to that point and we looked at the risks and rewards of IVF, and we decided we wanted to keep pursuing one of our own.”
“We still are prepared to adopt, but we want to exhaust everything first on our own before we adopt,” Patti added.
On Feb. 4, the couple headed to the Fargo clinic to undergo egg retrieval and fertilization. Their doctor was able to retrieve 17 eggs, Patti said, and 14 of those fertilized. Nine of the 14 fertilized eggs continued to grow past day five.
The couple decided to have the nine embryos genetically tested, at a cost of about $4,000. Three of the nine embryos were missing chromosomes, Barrett said, and were more likely to end in miscarriage.
“The healthy, normal embryos could still end in miscarriage, but I just feel like our chances are better if we were to genetic test them,” Patti said. “We’re spending all of this money, and I didn’t want to risk anything.”
The couple had their six “healthy” embryos frozen.
COVID-19 delays IVF
The Herrs’ frozen embryo transfer was scheduled for April 9. The couple was counting down the days in eager anticipation when they received the phone call March 17 that their IVF needed to be postponed due to the coronavirus.
A recommendation from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s COVID-19 task force led to a limit in the fertility procedures being performed around the country, according to the couple.
Barrett said they experienced a “mixed bag” of emotions upon receiving the news.
“We were excited for it, that we were getting within weeks of it happening, and then it got postponed and they couldn’t tell us when it was going to get postponed to,” he said. “It was looking like it could get postponed until next year. We didn’t know.”
“I feel blessed and lucky that we were not in the middle of meds — which are very expensive — when they canceled ours,” Patti added. “There were some women that were in the middle of their medications, and they could no longer do their transfers or egg retrievals.”
Rescheduled, with restrictions
On April 27, the couple received the good news that their IVF was back on. They planned to drive to Fargo for the frozen embryo transfer and return home that evening. Barrett will not be allowed to enter the clinic due to COVID-19 restrictions that are in place.
“If I get in contact with anyone with coronavirus or get it myself or have symptoms, they will cancel my cycle and cancel the transfer,” Patti said. “Usually you have to spend the night (at the hospital) because they don’t want you to do anything — no lifting, nothing. But now with the COVID-19, they do not want us to stay in Fargo.”
The couple, along with their doctor, recently selected one of the six embryos to transfer. They must wait nine days after the procedure to find out if they are pregnant. The Herrs are full of hope that the first round of IVF will be successful, and said they plan to donate their five remaining embryos.
“We really just want a sibling for the kid we have,” Barrett said. “If it works out for us and we still have these embryos that can help another couple have a child, we’re going to donate them.”
The couple is focusing on the present and has not decided if they will move forward with a second or third round of IVF, if it comes to that.
Words of advice
Patti said she sometimes feels guilt when sharing their story because they have Easton, who she called their miracle baby.
“Other couples don’t have any kids and we have one, but secondary infertility is a real thing and it’s just as real as regular infertility,” she said, noting she’d like to be an advocate for people who are facing infertility, as well as those who have lost a spouse.
Men are affected just as much as women when it comes to miscarriages, the mom went on to say.
“People think, ‘Oh, she had a miscarriage — poor her.’ But it’s also ‘poor him,‘” she said. “I’ve seen how it affects my husband, and I think that we need to advocate for the men — or partners — in this situation, as well.”
Barrett offered the following advice to other couples experiencing infertility: “It’s a ‘be there’ thing. Sometimes you’re not going to know what to say, but just being there, I feel, helps a ton on both sides. And really educate yourself on the treatments available.”
Celebrating moms
Patti said she loves being a mom, and that motherhood comes in many different forms.
“I didn’t think I was going to get to be a mom and now that I am, I feel very blessed,” she said, fighting back tears. “I love what we created and I want to have more.
“I just hope that everyone gets to experience motherhood, whether that’s having your own biological children, being an aunt, adopting,” she added. “I think there are more mothers out there than we can credit for.”
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