Joe Biden is a lot of things — husband, father, president of the United States, commander-in-chief of America’s military forces.
But strong leader, he ain’t.
And few know that better than Russian President Vladimir Putin, who’s been busily invading Ukraine these past months— over the objections, one might add, of said president of the United States, Joe Biden. At least Biden’s fighting mad about it, though.
“This war is about extinguishing Ukraine’s right to exist as a state and Ukrainians’ right to exist as a people. That should make your blood run cold,” he told the United Nations General Assembly, just hours after Putin put out the call-to-arms to his countrymen, activating a bunch of reservists so as to bring the total of manpower attack to around 300,000.
That would seem bad. But thankfully, Biden, like the empirical figure he is, struck back.
“To be very blunt,” he said on the world U.N. stage, “let us speak plainly.”
It doesn’t get blunter than that — that’s code for “Russia, knock it off.”
But he didn’t stop there.
“Russia has shamelessly violated the core tenets of the United Nations Charter,” Biden continued.
That’s serious business. It’s almost as serious, in fact, as when Steve Martin, as character Navin Johnson in the movie “The Jerk,” dared to dodge his M. Emmett Walsh nemesis, known only in the film as Madman, by rushing past a “Carnival Personnel Only” sign.
It’s a wonder Putin hasn’t laid down arms and gone home.
Instead — this: “Putin Orders Draft of Reservists for War in Ukraine, Threatens Nuclear Response,” The Wall Street Journal wrote.
And this: “Putin escalates Ukraine war, issues nuclear threat to West,” Reuters wrote.
And this: “‘This is not a bluff’: Putin Threatens Nuclear Response in Ukraine War,” Yahoo wrote.
Oh, and this: “Putin ally threatens London with nuclear strike in alarming BBC interview,” The Telegraph wrote.
But Biden’s got the world’s back.
“A nuclear war cannot be won and must never be fought,” he said, at the General Assembly.
Atta boy; that oughtta do it.
And if it doesn’t?
If Russia ramps aggressions and nuclear attacks ensue and world economies shake and global supply chains suffer and, as the left always warns in prelude to introducing some regulatory clampdown or seize of liberties on innocent citizens — people could die, people could die, people could die?
There’s always U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres.
“The United Nations charter and the ideals it represents are in jeopardy and we have a duty to act,” Guterres said, also in response to Putin’s newest military threats.
He speaks the same language as Biden, and just as Dr. Anthony Fauci told the world that if one face mask was good, two must be better, by logical extension, then, if one shaking finger Putin’s way is good, two must be better. Between Biden and Guterres both condemning any looming nuclear war, Putin’s practically conquered.
America won the war in Ukraine!
Ice cream cones for everybody. Now Biden can get back to what he does best: campaigning for his second term as senator and practicing shaking hands with the air.
Putin may carry a big stick.
But Biden speaks softly. And in the imaginations of leftists who live in la-la lands and love to theorize over endless “what-ifs,” that means Putin, by the rules of courtesy warfare, must admit defeat and go home.
It’s that “Carnival Personnel Only” military strategy. Wins every time.
• Cheryl Chumley can be reached at email@example.com or on Twitter, @ckchumley. Listen to her podcast “Bold and Blunt” by clicking HERE. And never miss her column; subscribe to her newsletter and podcast by clicking HERE. Her latest book, “Lockdown: The Socialist Plan To Take Away Your Freedom,” is available by clicking HERE or clicking HERE or CLICKING HERE.