Study: Couples who savor the good times fight less, even during difficult stretches

Individuals who regularly take time with their romantic partners to appreciate and focus on positive moments they share are more likely to report stronger relationships, less conflict and greater confidence their partnerships will last, according to new research from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. For many couples this weekend, Valentine’s Day will certainly provide a perfect opportunity to celebrate the best moments together.

The study examined what researchers call “joint savoring” in romantic relationships, finding that individuals who engage in this practice with their partners experience significant benefits for their relationships and modest improvements in quality of life.

“Savoring involves slowing down to become aware of and focus on positive experiences,” said Noah Larsen, a graduate student at Illinois and the study’s lead author, in a press release. “Savoring can occur when we reminisce on a past experience, focus on the present moment or look ahead to a future experience.”

While previous research has shown that savoring offers many benefits for individuals, Mr. Larsen and his coauthors, Illinois human development and family studies professors Allen W. Barton and Brian G. Ogolsky, wanted to explore it as a joint activity between romantic partners.

The researchers surveyed 589 people nationwide who were married, engaged or in committed dating relationships and were parenting at least one child ages 4 to 17. Partners did not participate in the study; participants reported on their own relationship perceptions. The average participant was 39 years old, and the group had a median household income of between $85,000 and $95,000. More than 85% of participants were married.

Participants completed an online survey measuring how often they and their partners savored positive experiences together. The survey also assessed relationship satisfaction, communication conflict, confidence in the relationship’s future, perceived stress levels, quality of life and mental health.

The findings revealed clear patterns. Individuals who engaged in more joint savoring with their partners reported less conflict, more satisfaction with their relationships and greater confidence in their future together.

“We found that joint savoring has the most benefits for romantic relationships, as well as secondary benefits for individuals’ health and well-being,” Mr. Larsen said. “Specifically, individuals who engaged in more joint savoring with their partners reported less conflict with them, more satisfaction with their relationship and more confidence in their future together.”

The protective effects of joint savoring proved especially valuable for couples experiencing high stress levels.

“When couples face greater stress, savoring can serve as a buffer, helping protect their confidence in their relationship and their mental health,” Mr. Larsen said.

Mr. Barton emphasized the practical implications of the research.

“Being able to identify factors that provide this type of buffering effect is important for marriage and romantic relationships, as they provide tangible things that couples can do to keep their relationship strong, even in the midst of heightened levels of stress,” Mr. Barton said.

The researchers suggest that focusing on shared positive experiences can serve as a relationship maintenance strategy. This might include reminiscing about happy memories from earlier in the relationship, enjoying a meal together or discussing upcoming events both partners anticipate.

“We all are busy and have so many things going on in our day-to-day lives,” Mr. Larsen said. “Finding time — even just once a week — to slow down, be present with your partner and talk about positive experiences in your relationship or focus on something you both enjoy can really benefit you as a couple. That might be reminiscing about a memory from earlier in your relationship, enjoying a dinner together or talking about an upcoming event that you both are excited about. And if you are going through a stressful time, making time for these conversations can be especially important.”

The study appears in the journal Contemporary Family Therapy.