Lifelong love has no price tag

OPINION:

Years ago, there was a bumper sticker that read, “He who dies with the most stuff wins.”

Unfortunately, that mindset continues today, especially among teenagers and young adults who are placing money and material goods above what really lasts: faith and family.

A good friend of mine knew a man in his late 20s (and now mid- to late 30s) who was responsible, handsome and doing well professionally. Many young ladies wanted to date him, but he was always coming up with some excuse for not wanting to make a commitment, whether it was his career (and the money that came with it), the fact that he was not quite where he wanted to be at work or that he believed he needed just a bit more education.

It was very sad. This fine young man was missing out on one of the greatest blessings God could give him: the wonderful years of youthful love and building a life with a partner. He found excuses not to get married, believing he should not commit to a woman until everything was perfect, especially when it came to his personal finances.

His story came to mind as I read a recent piece by Jason S. Carroll, a senior fellow at the Institute for Family Studies and director of the Marriage and Family Initiative at Brigham Young University’s Wheatley Institute, on the increasing reluctance of young adults to marry until they feel their careers are “set” or they are on the road to long-term financial security.

This way of thinking, called the “Midas Mindset” — a term coined by family scholar Brad Wilcox — holds that money, freedom and career are more important than marriage. The piece points out that from 1976 to 2020, the share of high school seniors who say they want “lots of money” rose from 36% among girls and 55% among boys to 75% among girls and 74% among boys.

Meanwhile, the median age of first marriage has risen to 30 for men and nearly 29 for women. One of the primary reasons cited for delaying nuptials or living together before marriage is the pursuit of money and what comes with it.

Money and material goods are only placebos that we think will bring us personal satisfaction. As you get older, you realize that the most important things in life are the intimacy with your spouse and the close relationships you have made in life. They are the investments that count.

Interestingly, as Mr. Carroll points out, the younger people marry, the better their long-term financial outlook. This is because they invest in things such as a home, which builds equity and brings permanence, rather than in depreciating assets.

The bottom line is that there is never a “perfect” time. As Mr. Carroll writes: “For younger couples and those approaching marriage, be careful about getting caught in the trap of believing that marriage and parenting should wait until every financial milestone has been achieved. Completing every educational goal, reaching a certain income, owning a home — when these become prerequisites rather than shared aspirations, they can delay or prevent marriages that might otherwise thrive.”

Thus, you can spend several years getting an education and then spend another decade building your career and accumulating stuff while forestalling marriage until you think everything is just right. Then, one morning, you wake up with that empty feeling that the best years of your life — when you could have been enjoying marriage and children — have passed you by.

If individuals eventually marry but continue to prioritize materialism and professional success over relationships, they are more likely to divorce because of their misplaced priorities. Mr. Carroll writes: “Joint materialism is not a shared value that bonds partners. It is a shared liability.”

He or she who dies with the most stuff ultimately loses out on what is most important in life, and that is a shame for the individual, his or her current or future spouse and society.

Lifelong love should never have a price tag attached to it. Instead, it should be seen as the most important investment you can make and one that will pay dividends in health, happiness and personal connections far beyond any material object or accumulation of personal wealth ever could.

That is the recipe for a victorious and prosperous life.

• Timothy S. Goeglein is the vice president of government and external relations at Focus on the Family and the co-author of the new book, “What Really Matters: Restoring a Legacy of Faith, Freedom, and Family” (Fidelis, 2026).