- - Friday, July 2, 2010

My job for the past 45 summers has been to rock ‘n’ roll unsuspecting fun lovers’ skulls into talcum powder with my mighty American-made Gibson guitar. This summer is no different, as my killer band and I throttle relentlessly with my Trample the Weak Hurdle the Dead tour. Think of me as Dirty Harry with a ponytail.

Few things that matter escape my radar. In every city I have assaulted with my urban-warfare sonic bombast over the years, I have made it a point to read the local newspaper and communicate with my friends across America.

The writer’s name, the perpetrator’s name and the victim’s name may be different, but the stories are the same. Some dirty street rat shoots another street rat. I chuckle. Next.

Know this: I’m a big fan of dope dealers blowing holes in other dope dealers. These subhumans are doing a wonderful job of cleaning out the gene pool. My admonition to dope thugs is to keep shooting each other. Call me if you need ammo.

What has amazed me over the years is the reaction of city fathers to crime. They are hellbent on wasting more and more taxpayer dollars to study crime, develop new ways to combat crime, get federal grant money and repeatedly implement proven counterproductive fantasies that actually help criminals do their dirty work. And the street rats keep on killing each other.

City fathers seemingly want to try anything and everything except what works: Permanently lock up hardened punks. Put these street rats so far away that we have to pipe in sunlight to them.

Instead, the city fathers do such things as implement idiotic gun buy-back programs. These feel-good programs are pure symbolism over substance. Gun buy-back programs do nothing to reduce violent crime, and anyone with three or more functioning brain cells knows it.

As if that weren’t insulting enough, many city fathers over the years have advocated that disarming law-abiding citizens is part of their cure to reduce crime. If these idiots are not smoking crack, they should be.

Our victim-injustice system, more commonly known as our criminal justice system, knows who the real violent street rats are. Crime statistics indicate that roughly 80 percent of all violent crime is committed by just 20 percent of street rats. Here’s the amazing point: Our victim-injustice system continues to turn these violent maggots loose time and time again. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the new and improved Planet of the Apes.

I have met with thousands of dedicated cops across America over the years, and they all tell the same story. They bust the thugs, prosecutors plea-bargain the case, and judges hand down lenient sentences. It’s an insane cycle that guarantees more law-abiding citizens will become victims because of a victim-injustice system that rewards street rats and creates more victims.

Liberal excuse-makers and numskulls, of course, endorse plea bargaining and return these violent punks back on the streets. Conservatives believe in locking them up permanently. You don’t need to be a sociologist or criminologist to know which of these thug-reducing ideologies is the most effective.

I just might spontaneously combust if I have to read one more story about a pedophile who has sexually assaulted, abducted and killed another kid. These monsters deserve nothing less than slowing being lowered into a wood chipper. Put the pedophile wood-chipping on pay-per-view and use the money generated to build more cages. I will play the national anthem.

Reducing violent crime isn’t difficult. We know who the most violent of thugs are; they have lengthy arrest records and have committed numerous violent crimes. Keep rapists, pedophiles and assorted other violent punks in cages for the rest of their pathetic, animalistic lives.

If government has one basic responsibility, it is to keep our communities safe by taking out the human trash. Regrettably, government fails at this most basic of responsibilities all the time, and it is always the law-abiding, taxpaying citizens and their loved ones who pay the price once again for government’s failure.

Indeed, I’m looking forward to November for the opportunity to put Fedzilla back in its cage. But while I’m giddy about that, we must focus a light on the cockroach prosecutors and the judges who create victims instead of making our communities safe places to live, work and play.

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