With the world constantly changing, with Barack Obama in favor of change, with Mr. Obama contantly changing, there remains only one fixed spot in a world of chaotic change — the mainstream, moron media. It’s odd, but I find their predictable nonsense quite comforting.
There is so much change in the world. I don’t know whether Michelle Obama thinks America is “down right mean” and not a country of which she is ever proud (except as it loves her husband) or whether, as Monday night, her heart is all aflutter at the flapping of Old Glory when she is not being a sister to her brother, a daughter to her mother, a mother to her daughters, a wife to her husband, and, oh yes (though not mentioned Monday night ) a $300,000-a-year employee of a Chicago hospital so closely connected to Mr. Obama and his public relation’s firm that it would need their finest surgeons to separate them at their shared pockets.
I’m all in favor of trying to make change my friend - although it’s not likely to be a lasting relationship. But I confess that a little stability can be a comfort also. And that is why last Saturday morning was such a comfortable moment for me. When I turned the TV on, the political cable shows were filled with liberal pundits, liberal anchors, liberal guest historians, liberal weather gals and guys, liberal news you can use chicks, liberal political “strategists” (i.e. out of work former Democratic National Committee gofers.) What a relief - nothing had changed.
And, of course, all of the above immediately went about their predictable chore of transforming Sen. Joe Biden from what he is to what Mr. Obama needs him to appear to be. Mr. Biden is ,in fact, a genial and much liked Washington insider with a tendency toward mild racial and ethnic stereotyping, a six-term senator, a fixture of Washington politics and a cheerful swimmer with the rest of us in the great Potomac swamp. He is one of the biggest, oldest and most toothful of the alligators, which Washington outsiders regularly promise America they will leave high and dry after they have drained the swamp.
So every liberal “expert” on television Saturday morning spontaneously asserted that Mr. Biden is no Washington insider - because he commutes an hour by train home most nights. His heart is “back home in Delaware.” This is a most preposterous, risible, farce of a lie - so naturally each and every one of the liberal media repeated it straight faced and very earnestly. It warmed me to see my old reliable liberal moron media thinking it was fooling the public when saying in the same breath that a six-term senator, chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee was no Washington insider. Even us simple sons of the soil (I own a small gentleman’s farm) could see through that howler.
The next endearingly obvious lie was that Mr. Biden was not really from Delaware (a small, reliable Democratic state), but rather from Scranton, Pa. (a big, swing state) - even though Mr. Biden left Scranton as a young child at about the same age that Mr. Obama left Indonesia. So why is Mr. Obama from Chicago and Mr. Biden from Scranton? But, because Mr. Biden had his nappies changed in Scranton (also the mythical home of Hillary Clinton during the primary season, I seem to recall), the moron media tells us he is real popular in Pennsylvania and will help carry the state for Mr. Obama. Except he never registered more than a few single digits in the Pennsylvania poll when he was running in the primary this season.
Even as the first polls registered the barest flicker of any public response to Mr. Biden’s selection nationally - he seems to generate a more tepid response from the public than Al Gore in 1992 or John Edwards in 2004 - liberal media types were calling the selection a master stroke, the best possible choice.
Nothing against old Joe, but if Mr. Obama had selected a ham sandwich as his running mate, our old friends the mainstream moron media would be just as gushing and enthusiastic (“by picking a ham sandwich, Mr. Obama, in a master stroke, has sent a dog whistle message that he is not a Muslim - as Muslims abhor ham. The ham sandwich will also do very well in the agricultural Midwest - which is a great hog farming region - thus bringing into play another 47 electoral votes. Also the ham sandwich will help unite the party because everyone likes a ham sandwich - except the religious Jews, and they are part of the 23 percent of Jews who already vote Republican. The ham sandwich compares very favorably with the other short list VP choices. Unlike Mr. Biden, the ham sandwich doesn’t talk much and never makes a gaffe - it just goes about its business being tasty and nutritious. Unlike Sen. Evan Bayh, a ham sandwich is not bland - particularly when you put a little Dijon mustard on it. And unlike Gov. Tim Kaine, the ham sandwich is no novice. It has been around for thousands of years.”)
Obama/Ham for President! Can’t you just taste victory?
Tony Blankley is a syndicated columnist.