- - Friday, January 30, 2015

I call them the Busybody Brigade (The BB for short). The Left’s army of activists who look for problems that don’t actually exist, and solve them with restrictions that don’t actually work.

Their motto: “There should be a law….”

They are meddlesome. They are relentless. And they are on a quest to influence almost every decision you make, from sunrise to sunset. It’s all in an attempt to “better the collective” and control your life.

Let them, help you. After all, it takes a village.

The BB is alive and well in Seattle, where a new ordinance on the books sets rules on what can go in the trash. It’s complete garbage.

From the Seattle Times: “Under an ordinance taking effect Jan. 1, food scraps are compostable material, welcome in food-and-yard waste containers, but not garbage cans. Ditto for pizza boxes, paper towels and napkins.”

“[Garbage truck] drivers will watch for the materials, and inform the city about violators who — after a six-month warning phase — could face fines of $1 for each offense. The new city-enforced kitchen surveillance program would begin with a warning period, and advance over time to include $50 fines per offense to owners of apartments and commercial properties.”

(Note to renters in Seattle: Hate your landlord? Buy an extra rotisserie chicken and throw it away in a clear garbage bag. That’ll show ‘em. Fight the power!)

How on Earth are they going to enforce this on any kind of consistent basis? Will garbage collectors be trained by some sort of trash removal Obi-Wan Kenobi, using the Force to sense if residents slipped some leftover tofu in the wrong trash container? It’s not enough that city employees have to collect our disgusting trash, we are going to make them collect tax revenue too?

The arbitrary outrage of the BB is a lesson in cognitive dissonance. These are the same people who insisted that Dick Cheney was violating their privacy and personally reading all of their emails, yet they are fine with someone rummaging through their garbage cans to monitor what they are throwing out.

I hate hypocrisy. You know, there should be a law…….

But I guess hypocrisy doesn’t apply if your neighbors hobbies are harmful to Mother Earth. In California (the BB Headquarters), the latest target is outdoor cooking.

ABC News reported, “The booming popularity of outdoor kitchens among homeowners in the San Francisco Bay Area has an increasing number of their neighbors coughing and hacking from the smoke, leading air-quality officials to consider tightening rules on wood-burning pizza ovens and smokers.”

“Residents like Noelle Robbins of Alameda are calling complaint lines and public officials to urge limits on backyard grilling and barbecuing. For Robbins, a 21-year resident of her neighborhood, trouble began last spring when a neighbor two doors down set up a meat smoker in his backyard. He would leave the smoker going six to eight hours, after dark.”

The BB is here for you, Noelle. Can we risk letting these renegade smokers billow plums of meat infused smoke go unchecked? Forget cigarettes. Meat smokers are the real killing machines, people.

But seriously, you guys. If you want to get your blood boiling, take 5 minutes out of your day and do a Google search for “California set to ban.” The results will scare you. These people are out of control.

Here are just a few examples of items or activities that the state California (or cities in the Golden State) have either banned, or attempted to ban:

Bottled water sales on public property, plastic bags, styrofoam food containers, the sale and cultivation of genetically engineered seeds & plants, publicly feeding homeless people, a junk food in state property vending machines, cat declaw surgeries, circumcisions, metal baseball bats, smoking on all private property, E-Cigs, pet sales, billboards, caffeinated alcohol beverages and big screen TVs.

Crazy huh? I’m not done.

Bans (or proposed bans) on releasing bred butterflies at events, Sarah Palin Drag Queens, black cars, biking while texting, teens using tanning beds, washing your car in the front yard, using smartphone maps while driving, violent video games, imitation firearms, ear cropping, stocking fish in lakes, beer pong in bars, aerial ads, alcohol sales at self-checkout aisles, hand weeding, wearing Halloween masks without a permit, Internet cafes, new fast food restaurants, drive thrus and Happy Meals.

Man, creating utopia is long, hard work.

It’s no wonder that more and more California residents are flocking to states like Texas for lower taxes and more individual freedom. You would never see the happy helpers over at Battleground Texas (the group trying to turn Texas blue) explaining to residents why the Salt Lick has to be shut down.

Good news for us, the only thing more relentless than the Busybody Brigade is the natural desire for individuals to be free to live their own lives.

There shouldn’t be a law.

Fingers Malloy hosts “The Snark Factor” radio program on FTR Radio.

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