- The Washington Times - Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Snowvalanche?

Snonwayout?

Snowpocalypse?

Snowstorm.

Ha. The simple, two-syllable, compound word snowstorms can kick up endorphins and anxiety to the brink.



Some of us handle snow predictions, however ominous, very coolly.

Others hoard toilet paper as if we go more frequently after the flakes start falling.

We make a shovel run as if the one from last season no longer works.

We stuff ourselves with chips, salsa and guac as if they’re the best substitutes for comfort foods like beef stew and chicken soup, which really and truly are good for the soul.

Blame it all on that angst-driven state of mind that tells us our body is going to function different because of a snowstorm — that we’ll poop, crave junk food and fall apart if we don’t have a new shovel to go along with the new white snuff.

And it’s the white snuff that turns SUV drivers into Imperator Furisoa, mad Maxes and Maxines who overwhelm the roadways with their dangerous driving skills.

The D.C. police have a public safety tip for them and you: “Stay home” was the No. 1 tip the department tweeted Wednesday afternoon.

For sure, that same tip should be blasted cross country because snow, like water, can be dangerous.

Our human hearts do not get along with shoveling. In fact, many of them quick working during such an activity.

Our pets may seem willing to romp for a second or two, but if we’re cold, they’re cold, too.

And that salt and ice melt we sprinkle on our wooden porches, decks and steps? We wipe it on the throw rug (while kids traipse it thru the house), and cats and dogs lick their paws. So, make sure to take a wet towel and clean their paws for them.

Here in the D.C. region and northward along the I-95 corridor, we’re expecting up to 2 feet of snow before it’s all said and done Saturday night, and some forecasters are predicting a doozy.

The National Weather Service has named it Jonas. Snowmageddon is so passé.

More inventive and apolitical is Snowvalanche.

Snowwayout.

Snowpocalypse.

Whatever you nickname the snowstorm, remind yourself: It’s no more and no less than what is expected this time of year.

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