You gotta love Joe Biden.
The guy has been part of the problem in Washington for 47 years. But now? Now, he is really going to get after it!
Finally, the old geezer promises to fix everything that ails you — everything he has neglected for nearly five decades. And he is going to do it all in just four years.
After he is gone, Mr. Biden’s Wikipedia page will say: “1973-2021: Accomplished nothing in Washington; hung out with segregationists. 2021-2025: Fixed everything; saved world.”
Economic doldrums of the Obama non-recovery economy got you down? Joe Biden will tackle that.
Systematic racism? Ol’ Joe is gonna fix that now.
Pandemic? Who better than Pandemic Joe to call to the rescue? He is, after all, one of the few living survivors of the 1918 pandemic.
And he knows everything about China. (Just ask his son.) Not to mention, getting tested.
“I’ve been tested and I am constantly tested,” Mr. Biden told a reporter who gingerly asked him if he had taken a cognitive test recently.
“Look, all you gotta do is watch me,” he boasted. “I can hardly wait to compare my cognitive capability to the cognitive capability of the man I’m running against.”
Though Mr. Biden said he has taken numerous cognitive tests, his campaign refuses to release the results. That right there ought to tell you something.
Best of all about Joe Biden? Russia!
If you don’t like Russia, Comrade Joe is your guy. I mean, this guy has been getting rolled, bull-dozed and bamboozled by the Kremlin for nearly 50 years. Who better to get rolled for four more years?
Russian tanks move into Crimea? Joe Biden blinked. Anti-Russian missile shield in Eastern Europe? Joe Biden blanched. And, remember? It was the first Biden regime that whispered to Russian President Dmitri Medvedev, “After my election, I have more flexibility.”
But this latest fever dream over Russia is by far the best.
Forget all the complicated conspiracies about “collusion” and “election meddling” and un-housebroken hookers in a Moscow hotel room. (Seriously, though, what kind of sicko thinks these things up?) Russians paid Taliban terrorists to kill U.S. troops in Afghanistan and President Trump let them because he doesn’t care, according to the swamp sloths in Washington who are rallying around Mr. Biden.
Okay, the first tell that something might be amiss here is that political hacks in Washington are suddenly pretending to care about U.S. troops. That is absurd on its face.
Of course, if they actually gave a rat’s tail about U.S. troops, they would know that the Taliban doesn’t need any further incentive to want to kill U.S. troops in Afghanistan. Do they even check the body counts before they weaponize the next “scandal” to their own personal, political gain?
In fact, the whole reason Mr. Trump has fought tooth and nail to get our troops OUT of Afghanistan is because he doesn’t want any more of our troops getting killed by the Taliban. He is — literally — the only force in all of Washington trying to remove our troops from the crosshairs of the Taliban.
And — absurdity of all absurditie — Joe Biden and all his hack henchmen in Washington are the ones who voted to send our troops to die in Afghanistan in the first place. And for what? They still can’t tell you.
But now they want to send troops into Russia.
Because what America really needs right now is another war … just ask Joe Biden.
• Charles Hurt is opinion editor of The Washington Times. He can be reached at email@example.com or @charleshurt on Twitter.