After a decade of global apology, squirrelly deals and appeasement of the world's worst actors, America has returned to the ramparts of its founding ideals, unapologetically backed -- of course -- by the 16-inch guns of an armada of battleships.
Isn't it funny how all the great political experts who never met a Trump supporter and never thought President Trump could win the White House are suddenly the greatest experts on how upset Mr. Trump's voters are with all the president's wheeling and dealing with dirty Democrats?
Thrice now President Trump has struck a dirty deal with devious Democrats, thwarting the good governance of fellow Republicans and betraying the alliance of voters who sent him to the White House where they hoped he would just behave like a good, proper professional Republican.
NEWSFLASH: President Trump's fingerprints were NOT found on any of the money or anywhere around the crime scene. This comes as twice-failed presidential candidate and former first lady Hillary Clinton launches yet another campaign to blame everybody she can for her crushing loss last year to Mr. Trump.
The swamp gets sloshed! Republicans stunned! GOP reeling! Blindsided!
Everyone knows that former President Barack Obama, our Great American Constitutional Law Professor, got mercilessly schooled by the Supreme Court during his eight years in office. Now he is getting schooled by a brash-talking, orange-haired reality-TV star and real-estate developer from Queens.
We are witnessing some of the most spectacularly absurd political gambits in American history unfold right now before our very eyes.
Because, of course, they want rule of law to reign, a group of citizens began digging up the grave of Nathan Bedford Forrest in Memphis this week over his helping found the Ku Klux Klan.
Eight years after it was proved -- even more convincingly than the moon landing -- that a black man can get elected president of the United States of America, we still have slow learners stuck in the past.
In the long march to remaking American greatness, President Trump has certainly attracted plenty of scorn and ridicule from all the predictable and boring corners over all the predictable and boring nonissues.
Even amid the cosmic chaos that is this White House, President Trump maintains the laser focus of his wickedly sharp political instincts.
The Alabama Republican is a deeply good man of impeccable decency. Donald Trump -- the man -- certainly owes Mr. Sessions respect, gratitude and loyalty. But when a man becomes president, he forfeits so many of the conventions that govern normal relationships between people in ordinary life.
Politicians far, far away in Washington -- advised by armies of bureaucrats whose salaries you pay but you have never met -- all huddled in Congress deciding what pills they will give you and how long is long enough for you to be on life support.
You don't have to be a seasoned Kremlinologist steeped in the chicanery of klepto-thugocracies to realize that America really dodged a bullet in last year's presidential election.
Nearly a decade after Barack Obama snuffed out America's beacon of freedom to the world, President Trump has relighted the hopeful flame.
The secret to President Trump's remarkable outsider success is his fearless willingness to walk into the most politically fraught situations, redefine every long-held prejudice and seize the moral high ground by embracing the simplest truth.
Oh, the mad genius of Donald Trump! On the cusp of one of the biggest victories of his administration, cracking down on illegal aliens who commit vicious crimes inside our country, President Trump took to Twitter.
The thing people like about House Speaker Paul D. Ryan is that he is a serious guy who is capable of thinking big and has an ambitious agenda to salvage our ungovernable federal bureaucracy.
If the anti-Trump fever the media keeps telling us all about cannot break through in Georgia's 6th District, then it truly is nothing but a phantom that exists nowhere but in the minds of media elites hysterically trying to will President Trump out of existence.
On one side of the television split screen, U.S. senators were squabbling, interrupting, misleading and orating about Russian mirages around every corner. On the other side of the screen was President Trump standing on a tarmac in Ohio and talking to victims of Obamacare.
