The Washington Times - October 8, 2008, 12:48PM

I don’t really trust anybody who wants to be president. It’s such a thankless job.

Oh sure, the free air travel and health care are nice. And you can get a ham sandwich any time you want.


But there are so many more negatives about being president. Here are a few:

You have to live in public-sponsored housing, and you’re not allowed to say anything about the previous tenants. (“Is that hair in the sink? They left hair in the sink?”)

You can never be alone because the Secret Service is always there to keep someone from trying to kill you. (And there’s always someone out there who wants to kill you.)

You have to talk to members of Congress a lot and pretend it meant something.

Someone is always taking your picture and with it, a little piece of your soul.

You have to answer the phone every night at 3 a.m. because, apparently, the switchboard goes home at midnight. (“No, Judy isn’t here. Stop calling this number!”)

You have to make hard decisions that, if you’re very lucky, only half of the country will disagree with.

You have to shake hands with and smile at foreign leaders who you know just want to kick your butt.

You get blamed for everything, from the fall in stock prices to the death of the dinosaurs. (“Yeah, that was Bush’s fault, too!”)

Everyone expects you to have all the answers, or know someone who has all the answers, even when you don’t know what the question is.

When people don’t like you, they let you know every day in every possible way.

They publish your job approval rating where everybody can see it. And your tax returns. And your medical records. (“They don’t have my kindergarten records, do they? I was not what you could call a ‘bright’ kindergartner.”)

What educated, sane, self-respecting person would want a job like that?

That’s why I think we should hold a lottery for the presidency.

Put the names of some our smartest and most talented business people in a hat. Pull one name out of the hat and then drag that person, kicking and screaming, into the White House. If they do a good job, they have to be president for only four years; if they don’t do a good job, they get a second term.