‘Van Helsing’

Thursday, May 6, 2004

The Creature from the Black Lagoon and the Invisible Man must be shaking in their boots. Writer/director Stephen Sommers could be gunning for them next. Mr. Sommers, the creator of the recent “Mummy” features, returns to desecrate the holy trinity of movie monsters — Dracula, the Wolf Man and Frankenstein’s Monster — in “Van Helsing.”

The new film unofficially kicks off the summer movie season by nullifying the monsters’ spooky appeal and bludgeoning viewers with ham-fisted effects.

The film’s opening, shot in delectable black and white, should give old-school horror fans their one unqualified treat.

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We watch Frankenstein’s Monster come to life thanks to a generous benefactor named Dracula (Richard Roxburgh), who evidently can afford the staggering electric bills.

Flash forward a year later, that’s 1888, and we meet Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), whose knack for killing monsters has somehow made him public enemy No. 1.

He survives, in part, by aligning himself with a mysterious religious order whose techie specialist (David Wenham) supplies him with neat killing gadgets, sort of like a 19th-century Q.

The order sends him to Transylvania to defeat Dracula, the latest scourge on the lands. Little does Van Helsing know that before he even gets to the Count, he’ll have to work around the feisty Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale), whose family bears a curse that involves the vampire, intertwining her fate with that of the bloodsucker.

Mr. Sommers must realize that many scenes in “Van Helsing” make no sense, so he busily packs the frame with computerized destruction. The sound alone in some action sequences must rank among the loudest in screen history.

The computer-heavy montages summon fascinating creatures but ultimately leave us cold. When will Hollywood learn that the computer-generated image tool kit works best when seamlessly woven into movies, a la “The Lord of the Rings’” best moments?

Frankenstein’s Monster, given a dollop of humanity by Shuler Hensley, fares the best of the monster trio. The wolf creations amaze, but they move so quickly they blend into the rest of the digitized beings.

Pity the actors, left to perform as if every line in the screenplay ends in an exclamation mark.

The best that can be said of Mr. Jackman here is that he manages not to giggle at the atrocious dialogue.

That’s Oscar-worthy restraint.

Miss Beckinsale, likewise, avoids camping it up — not easy with such lines as: “We Transylvanians look on the brighter side of death.”

We’re supposed to get enmeshed in the couple’s budding romance, but contrived fighting does not a flirtation make.

Mr. Sommers’ heroes, whether played by Mr. Jackman or Brendan Fraser, are hopelessly cocky and utterly unafraid of the monstrous forces lined up against them. It’s hard to invest ourselves in protagonists who don’t show a flicker of fear.

Some of the swooping shots do impress, and one wishes more could be drawn from the glorious set design that puts us smack dab in the middle of Transylvania.

Ultimately, “Van Helsing” is less an homage to great movie monsters than a self-congratulatory exercise in “look what we can do now” filmmaking.

Mr. Sommers may be a hack, but he’s a cunning hack. By leading the pack of summer popcorn spectacles to the theater, “Van Helsing” could duplicate “The Mummy” franchise’s success. Guess you could call that horrific.