The Washington Times - October 16, 2007, 10:33AM

•••\ \ \ Wait a second, wait a second, our political genius has kicked up in high gear: We’ve come up with a GOP veep to go well with frontrunner Rudy: Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who is doing some kind of job down there marshalling both sides of the aisle in the freaky but fab Sunshine State — so much so that black groups are calling him the state’s first black governor. He used to work for former Florida Sen. Connie Mack (the dad, not the boy). He’d be terrific as a veep.\ \ \
•••\ \ \ If we were Mittens, we would save some of that money we’re spending (of our own) — dang, that’s a wad of cash — and buy a cool house in St. John or someplace Caribbean where it’s quiet and beachy. He’s become the Dick DeVos of the presidential election pack.\ \ \
•••\ \ \ We got the new Joel Osteen book. It’s terrific. We think he’s the greatest motivator of people. Sometimes when we get really down, we can listen to him and turn it around. We do wish he’d fix his teeth tho. Those front ones are kinda rednecky.\ \ \
•••\ \ \ Donny Osmond is about to turn 50 in December. We loved him when we were little. But wait a minute … this could mean that we are also old, too? Crimony … this is serious. We must do the math. We think Marie looks prettier and prettier on “Dancing with the Stars.” She is a very good brunette and is getting skinnier with every show.\ \ \
•••\ \ \ Man, Anna Nicole Smith was taking a pile of drugs at her death, something like 11 prescriptions. That’s a lot, even for a committed prescription drug abuser. It’s too bad she didn’t live in Appalachia. She could have had OxyContin or lortab out the tushie, the way those docs there serve it up like candy. No wonder she seemed like such a whack job on Entertainment Tonight. What physician would think this was OK? \ \ \ AS IF.\ \ \
•••\ \ \ All these little-girl celebs like Lindsay and Britney are gonna turn into baseball gloves at 40 if they keep going to the tanning salons. Everytime you see the paparazzi footage, they are going off to tan. We hope it’s the spray stuff. We love that. But those beds are gonna fry their mag-ready visages. Lindsay was a very pretty teenager but she’s looking like a very haggard 20-something. Sunscreen, baby, SPF 30 and lay off the Grey Goose and Marlboros while you’re at it.\ \ \
•••\ \ \ Oh, they can ration water down in Georgia, but we betcha $100 they won’t cut off the beer there. Or the fried stuff. Now THAT would be a real crisis.\ \ \
•••\ \ \ Fred Thompson has asserted that he is the “real” conservative, but at this point, who cares? That is not what will win this election for the Republicans. It might appease the so-called base but it ain’t a winner. At this point, Thompson can quack all he wants about his record, but at the end of the day, he’s just another old white guy in a field of old white guys. Sigh. See item No. 1.\ \ \ — Andrea Billups, The Washington Times