OUT OF CONTEXT: Once more, this time with feeling
Sen. Chuck Grassley chastised President Obama on Twitter. What was most surprising to a lot of people about Grassley's messages is that he has a Twitter account. Published June 14, 2009
Carleton Bryant
Articles by Carleton Bryant
OUT OF CONTEXT: Didn't Olivia Newton-John sing 'Let's get political?'
So I guess Sen. Roland Burris has got some explaining to do, huh? Published May 31, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: I aim to move you — physically, if necessary.
Are deceased persons who receive stimulus checks properly known as the grateful dead? Published May 24, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: You're right, I don't get out much. How'd you know?
I went to a fancy party in New York the other night, and all I got was a head-butt from Kiefer Sutherland. … It was awesome! Published May 17, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: This is for all you mothers out there — you know who you are
The nickname "OctoMom" sounds like she should have eight legs and squirt ink. If only that had been her claim to fame. Published May 10, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: Just a little too much information, for my taste
Scientists have created a spider web so strong that it can bind a man indefinitely. Now, they're trying to make a chicken egg so strong that it can't be broken. That's useful. Published May 3, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: Don't talk about the weather. Do something about it!
A little-known fact of life: Everything is better with bacon. Try it. Published April 26, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: Another day, another dollar (or 37.69 cents after taxes)
I read last week that Guinness is readying a new beer for its 250th anniversary. For those of you who know me, beer-related news is usually good news. Published April 19, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: Make Tax Day a holiday — with pay
Every time I fall, I get right back up on that No. 2 pencil. Because that's how I roll. Published April 12, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: Shamed and disgraced? No? Then entertain me
It's looks like Rod Blagojevich is on a roll. Published April 5, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: Shhh! Let's just keep this one between you and me
Researchers have discovered a gene that, when turned off, allows mice to eat all the carbs they want without getting fat. If we allow mice to gorge themselves, what will pigs do? Published March 29, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: I forgot what I meant to say, so this will have to do
I've mentioned how my son is in training to become a locust by eating every scrap of food in my house and leaving the empty containers where he found them. Published March 22, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: If you're reading this, you might be in need of professional help
I've tried reading "War and Peace" on three separate occasions. It's way over 1,000 pages — and that's just the Cliff Notes. Published March 15, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: More proof that comedy isn't pretty
If there's one good thing emerging from this economic downturn, it's that we're finding out who's been scamming our cash for all these years. Published March 8, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: Give me liberty or give me a good rate for refinancing
Whenever the economy falters, education usually takes the first hit. Guess we all have still got some learning to do. I know I do. Published March 1, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: Warning: The following material is simulated. Don't try this at home.
Having your moral failings pointed out by Rod Blagojevich is like having your fistfight refereed by Mike Tyson. Published February 22, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: It's time someone told the truth about getting older
Last weekend I reached a magical age — the one that lets you say you're turning fortysomething for the last time; the one that Romans enumerated as "IL" or "XXXXIX" or "XLIX," depending on who was chiseling the stone; the one where you get your AARP application promptly in the mail. Published February 15, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: You're back? You must be a glutton for punishment
Once every generation, a politician emerges who captures the imagination of the masses...In our time of economic distress and uncertainty, such a politician has come to the fore. His name is Rod Blagojevich. Published February 8, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: I don't have enough bubble gum for both of us
January is over? Already?! I'm still eating Thanksgiving turkey! It isn't good, but I'm still eating it. Published February 1, 2009
OUT OF CONTEXT: Welcome to the back pages! We don't get many visitors.
Swedish scientists have found that breeding modern dogs for their appearance has resulted in a decline in intelligence. Maybe it's not the dog breeds that are trending downward in intelligence. Maybe it's their owners. Published January 25, 2009
